ENTERTAINER’S GUIDE TO DISABLED CUSTOMERS

Written and Edited by: William Takahashi & Victoria

Copyright 2007 by William Takahashi

Table of Contents

 

Etiquette with People Who Have a Specific Type of Disability:

 

·         Visual Impairments………………………………………….………..….6

·         Speech Impairments……………………………………………………...7

·         Hearing Impairments…………………………………………………….7

·         Mobility Impairments……………………………………………………8

·         Learning Disabilities……………………………………………………..8

    

·         Lap Dancing for Disabled Customers………………………..……………….8

  • Suggestions For Initial Contact With Someone Who Has A Speech

Or Hearing Problem…………………………………..…….………….…......9

  • Sexual Etiquette…………………………………………….………….…....10
  • Attempted Interviews With Disabled People Regarding Escorts

And Dancers………………………………………………….………….….11

 

Additional Reading:

 

 

 

 

 

 

INTRODUCTION

A large number of disabled people have never experienced sex in their life.  This lack of physical contact produces emotional pain and suffering. The disabled have the same desires and needs as everyone else. Erotic Dancers, Escorts, and other Adult Industry Professionals can provide an alternative that can dramatically improve the lives of the disabled.

This document is intended to be a guide to help Adult Industry Professionals interact with people with disabilities in the best possible way.  I will begin with a brief discussion about how people with disabilities should be viewed by the Adult Industry. I will then provide correct terminology and etiquette, which may be utilized with people who have different disabilities. This document then covers: The Art of Lap Dancing for disabled customers, first contact between escorts and disabled customers, and a section on correct sexual etiquette between escorts and disabled customers. This document concludes with a short discussion of my personal attempts to interview other disabled people regarding their experiences with escorts.

DISTINCTION BETWEEN DISABILITY AND HANDICAP

A disability is a condition caused by an accident, trauma, genetics or disease which may limit a person's mobility, hearing, vision, speech or mental function.  Some people with disabilities have more than one disability. 

People with disabilities are not conditions or diseases.  They are individual human beings.  Therefore, in speaking or writing, it is preferable to mention the person’s name before mentioning his or her condition.   For example, a person is not an Epileptic, but rather a person who has Epilepsy.  Likewise, print or broadcast media usually refer to People with Disabilities.  First and foremost, they are people.  Only secondarily do they have one or more disabling conditions.

As a dancer, you have the right to be treated with respect and kindness by ALL customers.  It is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE for a disabled customer to treat a dancer in a mean, disrespectful, or abusive way.  Dancers have the right to expect disabled and able-bodied customers to be clean and well groomed.

A handicap is a physical or attitudinal constraint that is imposed upon a person, regardless of whether that person has a disability. Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary defines handicap as “to put at a disadvantage.”  EXAMPLE: Some people with disabilities use wheelchairs.  Therefore stairs, narrow doorways and curbs are handicaps imposed upon people with disabilities who use wheelchairs.  

People with disabilities can have various disabling conditions, including: 

1.        Mobility impairments 

2.        Blindness and vision impairments 

3.        Deafness and hearing impairments 

4.        Speech and language impairments 

5.        Mental and learning disabilities  

 

DEFINITIONS

The following are commonly used terms when discussing disabilities.    

Blind:  A general term referring to all degrees of severe vision loss.  Legal blindness is a visual acuity of 20/200 or less with best correction in the better eye, or a field of 20 degrees or less.  

Congenital Disability:  A disability which has existed since birth, but is not necessarily hereditary.  Do not use "birth defect."

Deaf:  A profound hearing loss.    

Hearing Impairment:  A general term referring to any degree of hearing loss.    

Developmental Disability:  A significant mental or physical impairment which usually begins early in life and may require specialized assistance or training in basic life skills.  Some examples might include: Mental retardation, Epilepsy, or Autism.    

Disability:  General term for a limitation that can be physical, mental, or sensory.  A disability is not necessarily a handicap which limits normal life activity.    

Learning Disability:  A permanent condition which affects the way a person with average or above average intelligence learns and processes information, such as math concepts, i.e.: transposing numbers.       

Mental illness:  A condition caused by a neurological disruption in the brain.  It can  affect mood, thought and appetite.    

Mental disability:  All forms of mental illness, severe emotional disorder, or mental retardation.    

Seizure:  An involuntary muscular contraction, a brief impairment or loss of consciousness as the result of a neurological condition.  A convulsion is a seizure involving contraction of the entire body.  All of these situations are commonly associated with Epilepsy.  

Small Stature:  Correct term for very small people.    

Spastic:  Describes a muscle with sudden abnormal and involuntary spasms.  This condition is commonly associated with Cerebral Palsy.  It is important to remember that muscles are spastic, not people.  A suggestion from a provider was that when she was going to see a spastic client, she would remind him not to take his muscle relaxer until after she left, because they interfered with his ability to get an erection.   

Speech Disorder:  A condition where a person has limited ability to communicate through speech.    Someone with no verbal speech capacity is called “without speech.”  Do not use "mute." 

Spinal Cord Injury:  Permanent damage to the spinal cord.  Quadriplegia describes substantial or total loss of function in all four limbs.  Paraplegia refers to substantial or total loss of function in the lower part of the body.    

Many disability groups do not like using euphemisms to describe disabilities.  They consider terms such as "partially sighted," "handicapable," "mentally different," and "physically challenged" patronizing.

 

GLOSSARY OF PERFERRED TERMS

Preferable: Person with a disability.    

Not Preferable: Cripple, cripples - the image conveyed is of a twisted, deformed, useless body.  

When referring to a person with a disability:  

Preferable: Disability,  Differently-Abled, Or Disabled, a general term used for functional limitation that interferes with a person's ability, for example, to walk, hear or lift.   It may refer to a physical, mental or sensory condition.    

Not Preferable: Handicap, handicapped person or handicapped.  

When referring to a disability:

Preferable: People with cerebral palsy, people with spinal cord injuries.    

Not Preferable: Cerebral palsied, spinal cord injured, etc.  Never identify people solely by their disability.  

Preferable: Person who had a spinal cord injury, polio, a stroke, etc. or a person who has multiple sclerosis, muscular dystrophy, arthritis, etc.  

Not Preferable: Victim.  People with disabilities do not like to be perceived as victims.  

Preferable: Person who has a disability, has a condition of (spinal bifida, etc.), or born without legs, etc, has a developmental disability.    

Not Preferable: Defective, defect, deformed, vegetable, retarded, moron, idiot, afflicted with, or suffering from.  These labels are offensive, dehumanizing, degrading and stigmatizing.  

Not Preferable: Afflicted with, suffers from.  Most people with disabilities do not regard themselves as afflicted or suffering continually.  

Preferable: Deaf/hard of hearing.  Deaf refers to a person who has a total loss of hearing.  Hard of hearing refers to a person who has a partial loss of hearing within a range from slight to severe.  Hard of hearing describes a hearing-impaired person who communicates through speaking and spear-heading, and who usually has listening and hearing abilities adequate for ordinary telephone communication.  Many hard-of-hearing individuals use a hearing aid.  

Not Preferable: Deaf and Dumb is as bad as it sounds.  The inability to hear or speak does not indicate the level of intelligence.  

Not Preferable: Confined/restricted to a wheelchair; wheelchair bound.   Many people who use wheelchairs or mobility devices feel the devices are not confining, but liberating – a means of getting around.  

Preferable: Able-bodied; able to walk, see, hear, etc.; people who are not disabled.

Not Preferable: Healthy (when used to contrast with "disabled.") Healthy or normal implies that the person with a disability is unhealthy or abnormal.  Many people with disabilities have excellent health and lead very normal lives.  

Material for this section came from: Disability Etiquette Handbook, San Antonio, Texas

Commonly Used Sexual Terms

*       Erotic massage – both you and your partner are naked and they massage your whole body including your genitals with their hands

*       Body rub – same as an erotic massage

*       Body slide – usually a part of an erotic massage. When you are naked, face down, your partner will slide their naked body along the person’s body

*       Hand job / hand relief – your partner masturbates you, usually happens towards the end of an erotic massage/ body rub

*       Spanish – the penis is masturbated by rubbing it between the breasts

*       Oral sex – also known as French or fellatio (oral on a male), cunninglingus (oral on a female). This is where a person uses their mouth to stimulate another person’s genitals

*       Full service / Fully inclusive – sex. Can also include an erotic massage and oral before having sex

*       Sex / Intercourse - penetration of a penis into a vagina (when seeing a female partner) or a penis into a bottom (when seeing a male partner – see Anal sex)

*       Anal sex (also known as Greek) - penetrating the anus with a penis or penis-like object

*       Active / Top – your male partner who offers penetrative anal sex BUT does not receive anal sex from you

*       Passive / Bottom –your male partner who offers to receive penetrative anal sex BUT does not penetrate you

*       Fully Versatile – term for your male partner who offers both active and passive anal sex

*       Tie and tease – your partner gently ties your hands and feet to the bed or massage table and touches your whole body without you being able to touch them. Can also incorporate being blindfolded for extra sensory pleasure. May also include a hand job, French and or full sex

*       Fantasy – can include your partner dressing up in a particular costume or uniform (ie. nurse/ schoolgirl/army fatigues/sportswear) and /or role-play

*       Role-play – happens in a fantasy session where you and your partner agree on a particular scenario and play a certain role ie. You are a headmaster and your partner is a naughty schoolgirl and is spanked when she gets the answers wrong in class

*       B/D / Bondage and Discipline - includes being whipped, flogged, caned, tied up, told what to do when in restraints etc. Most trained sex workers who offer these services are known as Professional Mistresses or Masters. There are also special places just set up for these kind of services with all of the unique equipment needed ie. ropes, whips, blindfolds, manacles (handcuffs), canes, crops, suspension racks, A-frames etc. These services are legal if they do not include acts of a sexual nature 

ETIQUETTE WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE ANY TYPE OF DISABILITY

1.   When talking to a person with a disability, look at and speak to that person directly. Treat a person who is disabled with the same respect and consideration you would like.  

2.   Relax.   Do not be embarrassed if you happen to use commonly accepted expressions such as “See you later” or “Got to be running along” that seem to relate to the person's disability.  Avoid actions and words that suggest the person should be treated differently.  

It is okay to invite a person in a wheelchair to go for a walk or to ask a blind person if he sees what you mean.  When greeting a person with a visual impairment, always identify yourself and others who may be with you.   EXAMPLE: On my right is Penelope Potts.  

3.   Do not assume a person with a disability needs your help.  Always ask him/her before giving your assistance.    

4.   Do not shout at a person who is hard of hearing.  Shouting distorts sounds accepted through hearing aids and inhibits lip reading.  Do not shout at a person who is blind or visually impaired -- he or she has no problem hearing you!  

5.   To facilitate conversation, be prepared to offer a visual cue to a hearing impaired person or an audible cue to a vision impaired person, especially when more than one person is speaking.    

6.    When conversing in a group, give a vocal cue by announcing the name of the person to whom you are speaking.  Speak in a normal tone of voice, indicate in advance when you will be moving from one place to another, and let it be known when the conversation is at an end.  

VISUAL IMPAIRMENTS 

Identify yourself when you approach a person who is blind or visually impaired.   If a new person enters your area, introduce them.  While in a group, lightly touch a person’s arm so that he or she knows you are speaking to them.  When giving directions, be specific.   Use terms like “on your left” or “at your two o’clock.” You do not need to speak loudly to people with visual impairments.   Most of them have no problem hearing. You should offer to read written information for a person with a visual impairment when appropriate.    

You may have to assist people with visual impairments in orienting to new surroundings.   When walking with them, tell them if they have to step up or step down, let them know if the door is to their right or left, and warn of possible hazards. When guiding a person with a visual impairment, offer your arm or elbow, and let them walk one pace behind you to follow the motion of your body. 

Never move a visually impaired person’s cane, chair, or other belongings without telling them.   Just as sighted people orient themselves by looking around, a person who is blind listens.  

Traffic sounds indicate when it is safe to cross the street.  You can help by reducing non-essential noises at intersections when you notice people who are blind.  If you see a person walking with a white cane or a dog guide, and he or she seems confused, or is approaching an obstacle, please offer your help.  If you are not sure how you can help, see the guide below, and please, do not hesitate to ask if you are unsure.  

If you think someone might need assistance, offer your help. Your thoughtfulness will be appreciated, even if your assistance is not needed.

When guiding a person who is blind: Offer help verbally, lightly touching an arm or shoulder to indicate you are addressing him/her.  Do not grab the person unless there is an immediate danger.  Offer your arm to help.  A person who is blind or visually impaired can take your arm and follow a half step behind you, gaining travel clues from your movements.  If the person has a dog guide, approach the person on his or her free side.   Slow down when approaching curbs, stairs or revolving doors.  Tell the person what you are approaching and place their hand on the railing or handle of the door for orientation.  Explain when you are crossing a street or entering a building.  Tell him/her the street name, the direction you are walking and the address of the building.  This will help verify, for both or you, that you are headed in the right direction and to the correct place.  Offer seating by orienting the person to the chair's position. Place his or her hand of the back or the arm on the chair.  Announce your departure.  Never leave a blind or visually impaired person in the middle of a street or open area.

   SPEECH IMPAIRMENTS

Listen patiently.  You should not complete sentences for the person unless he/she looks to you for help.  DO NOT pretend you understand what the person with a speech disability is saying just to be polite.  Ask the person to write a word if you're not sure of what their saying. Listen attentively, and keep your manner encouraging rather than correcting.    

Exercise patience rather than attempting to speak for a person with speech difficulty.  When necessary, ask short questions that require short answers or a nod or a shake of the head.  Never pretend to understand if you are having difficulty doing so.  Repeat what you understand, or incorporate the person's statements into each of the following questions.  The person's reactions will clue you in and guide you to understanding.   If you have difficulty communicating, be willing to repeat or rephrase a question.  Open-ended questions are more appropriate than closed-ended questions. 

EXAMPLE: 

Closed-ended question: You were a tax accountant in XYZ Company in the corporate planning department for seven years?

Open-Ended Question: Tell me about your recent position as a tax accountant?

HEARING IMPAIRMENTS

Face people with hearing impairments when you talk to them so they can see your lips.  Slow the rate at which you speak when talking to a person with a hearing impairment.  Increase the level of your voice.  Or, communicate by writing if necessary.    

To get the attention of a person with a hearing impairment, tap the person on the shoulder or wave your hand.   Look directly at the person and speak clearly, naturally and slowly to establish if the person can read lips. Not all people with hearing impairments can lip-read. For male Sex Workers keeping mustaches well-trimmed is a good idea.  Those who can will rely on facial expression and other body language to help in understanding.  Show consideration by placing yourself facing the light source and keeping your hands, cigarettes and food away from your mouth when speaking. Shouting won't help.  Written notes are also very helpful.  

MOBILITY IMPAIRMENTS

Try sitting or crouching down to the approximate height of people in wheelchairs or scooters when you talk to them.  Do not lean on a person's wheelchair unless you have his/her permission --it is their personal space.  Be aware of what is accessible and not accessible to people in wheelchairs.  Give a push only when asked.  When talking with a person in a wheelchair for more than a few minutes, use a chair, whenever possible, in order to place yourself at the person's eye level to facilitate conversation. 

LEARNING DISABILITIES

Do not assume the person is not listening just because you are getting no verbal or visual feedback.  Ask him if he understands or agrees.  Do not assume you have to explain everything to people with learning disabilities.  They do not necessarily have a problem with general comprehension.  Offer to read written material, if necessary.    

Material for the preceding section came from: EASI, c/o American Association for Higher Education One DuPont Circle, Suite 360 Washington, D.C.   20036-1110 Phone: (310) 640-3193 (Pacific Time) E-Mail: EASI@EDUCOM.BITNET or internet: EASI@EDUCOM.EDU 

CATHATERS

 

Catheters can be kept in during penetration.  Make sure your client empties his bladder before engaging in any type of intercourse.  The client can tape the catheter alongside his penis and put a condom on top, or tape the catheter to his stomach. Plenty of lubrication is needed for comfort purposes.  If a catheter linked to a bag must remain in, perhaps suggest that he uses a longer drainage tube to allow for more mobility. You can use tape to make sure it remains secure to his body and to make sure the tubes stay out of the way.

Be sure to ask the client any questions that you may have about the catheter. What positions are comfortable, if they would like to have some towels placed down in case of leakage, or even if he would like to get intimate in a bathtub or shower, since it is a great way to ease both parties into dealing with bodily fluids.         

Placing more pressure on the bladder in this situation is not a good idea, so alternatively, you both may want to lie on your side, or have the client with the catheter on top.

OSTOMIES

An ostomy  is an artificial opening on the abdominal wall through which waste material passes out of the body from the bowel or urinary tract into an external pouch.  Most clients will have them clean and often times covered up, so it just looks like a pouch. Having an ostomy bag does not affect most sexual positions. It is important, however to communicate with your client.

Lap Dancing for Disabled Customers

The art of Lap Dancing for disabled customers has some very unique challenges.  It is imperative to treat these customers as normally as possible.

 

                                     LAP DANCING FOR MOBILITY IMPAIRED CUSTOMERS

 

During an interview with a dancer, she said:

 

“When I dance for a guy in a wheelchair, I ask him if he would like to move to a chair or couch. If he is able, then we move. If he needs to remain in his chair, I ask if he minds if I move the foot pedals out of the way. Being a nurse, I am able to do that quickly and efficiently. I ask if he minds if I sit in his lap. Then I dance normally. Even if he is paralyzed and can't feel a thing, it's still visual, and he still gets to imagine what it feels like.”

 

Another dancer said she had danced for many wheelchair bound customers. She said:

 

“My experience as a nurse really helps me because I'm comfortable with them, and put them at ease.  Most importantly, don't act uncomfortable or shy. Treat them like any other normal individual. If they need assistance with something, they will ask for it.”  

 

“We have some wheelchair customers pretty regularly. (Just physical disabilities) and it has brought up some interesting issues. Our stage is elevated. Customers have to stand up to give us a tip if they want us to take it with our breasts from their mouth (which is pretty common). Normally, we are not allowed to hang our legs over the stage, but for someone in a wheelchair we can, in order to take their tip. There are also stairs up to the couch dance area, which is where nude dances are done; only topless on the floor, tableside. If a wheelchair customer wants a nude dance, I have seen it done on the floor before because they cannot get to the couch dance area.”

 

 

Other dancers make the recommendation that when dancing for a wheelchair bound customer, it’s important to make sure his or her wheelchair brakes are on. If a girl is dancing for a wheelchair bound man who has had a few drinks, and he has forgotten to put his break on, it could be a very unpleasant experience.

 

 

Another avoidable mishap is to be careful with beverages. A girl retold a story about a dancer who accidently knocked over a drink onto a customer's wheel chair control panel. The chair was fine, but if the liquids had actually gotten into the electronics, it could have been very bad. This is said to emphasize the importance of dancers being particularly careful around customers that require specialty equipment.

                                    LAP DANCING FOR SPEECH IMPAIRED CUSTOMERS

Patience is the key when dancers encounter customers that may have a severe stutter, language problem, or a stroke, and have trouble speaking. Dancing Professionals that I have interviewed say:

 

 “Do not try to talk for them or fill in the blanks, and don't act impatient or annoyed. Just wait while they try to get it out.”

                                  LAP DANCING FOR VISUALLY IMPAIRED CUSTOMERS


A large number of blind customers who come to a club have some vision. One dancer told me she danced for a blind customer who had 30% vision in one eye and 40% vision in his other eye.  So he could still see her dance. Make sure you dance up close, no floor work as blind customers won't be able to see you at a distance. Another dancer said it’s probably best to have a mint too. Often an impairment of one such as sight, will lead to another sense being heightened, such as smell, so if you've had any garlic that day the chances are they'll be able to smell it.

 

LAP DANCING FOR MENTALLY CHALLENGED/IMPAIRED CUSTOMERS


This is a very hard topic to deal with and understand. Unlike people with physical impairments like: Cerebral Palsy, Muscular Sclerosis, Muscular Dystrophy, and Spinal Cord Injuries. The Mentally Challenged/Impaired Customer may not be capable of making informed decisions about purchases. The conscience view on Strippersweb.com seems to favor not taking money from these customers. They can enjoy watching you perform on stage. One dancer on Strippersweb.com wrote:

 

“I have mixed feelings about this, mostly having to do with money issues. Sometimes I don't think these people are capable of making informed decisions about purchases and are easily taken advantage of. So I don't want to take their money.”

 

A dancer needs to continuously remember that every disability is different, so you need to use your best judgment and common sense in each situation. Never stare, and do not ask what happened to your customer. Please keep in mind they are in a fantasy land during the dance, and are trying to have an enjoyable experience.  

INITIAL CONTACT BETWEEN ESCORTS AND CLIENTS WITH

 SPEECH OR HEARING PROBLEMS

One of the interesting dilemmas that happens for Escorts, and their potential clients who have a speech or hearing problem, is how does the client contact the Escort? Normally, clients would contact the worker by calling them on the phone, but what if the client cannot speak clearly? Or the client cannot hear the person talking to him/her?

There are various solutions to these issues. With the growing use of technology a person can easily access  email, instant messaging or text messaging as a form of initial limited  contact;  If the worker has a website  then he/she could indicate that disabled clients can email, instant message or  text message with basic and/or very specific information, (i.e. their name, and  when they will try to call the worker.).  Another option is to use email to arrange a meeting time/place, but make it clear that no other details about the meeting can be discussed by email, instant messaging or text messaging.  A side advantage to this practice is that it shows you how willing, and mentally able your client is at following instructions.

 

SEXUAL ETTIQUTE

"But often penetration isn't the main focus anyway.  What's more important is to be touched for once in a less impersonal manner.  They're always being touched in functional ways by those who wash or dress them.  But there's a real difference between a nurse whose covered in rubber up to her neck putting you under the shower, or me washing your back with my breasts covered in soap.  I mean even if you can't fuck, there are plenty of other fun things to do." (203)

 
Please remember that the disabled like anyone, enjoy and need sex.  Sexuality may make some people uncomfortable, but it is an important subject that needs to be discussed.  Many disabled males love to watch female partners slowly take off their clothes first.  Many disabled guys love to have a girl take his hand to help him touch her in the places where she feels comfortable letting him touch.  This practice helps him and gives her control over the situation.  In the appropriate setting, many disabled guys/girls like being helped to undress before sex.  Foreplay is important, some males like to touch a girl's breasts, and some girls like to play with a man's penis.  Finding the most comfortable sexual position for the both of you is very important-- sex is a shared experience.  I've noticed that lots of males, disabled and non-disabled have an attitude that women and sex exist solely to please them.  This attitude drives women away.  Caring, patience, and a willingness to try different things are very important.  

Serving disabled clients in sexual situations can be made easier by planning ahead.  If your client tells you they are disabled during a phone call to arrange an out-call appointment, you can ask the client to shower and then just put on a robe or t-shirt and shorts. You  have the right to expect disabled and able-bodied customers to be clean and well groomed.  This makes the undressing process easier for both of you. During your appointment it’s o.k. for you to gently ask the client if they need your assistance, and how can you help.

When providing services to clients restricted to wheelchairs, there are a few more things to remember:
- Make sure that all in-call rooms are wheelchair accessible.
- Fold client’s clothes and place them onto the wheelchair once they are removed.
- Ask if they would like help re-dressing. Pants can be difficult because certain clients may not have enough arm strength to lift their body, so providing assistance might be necessary.

When providing services to clients who are hard of hearing, there are a few more things to remember:
- Have lots of visual stimulation.
- Try to be face to face, to make lip reading easier, unless the client prefers another position.
- Use intense touching.

- Clients may require special positions if they have limited movement, so do not be afraid to experiment.

 
David Steinberg wrote about a workshop on "Sex Work, Sex, and the Disabled," at the International Conference on Prostitution in Los Angeles — March 9 - 15, 1997. He says a sex surrogate described her experiences working with a variety of disabled people.  She calls on fellow sex workers to deal with disabled clients with particular care and sensitivity, noting the work she herself has done to become comfortable with such complexities as catheters, urine bags, bowel comfort, and muscular spasms in a sexual context.   (She learned from painful experience, she says, not to go down on a client whose leg spasms can seriously rearrange her jaw, or to put her breast in the mouth of a client whose spasms could equally hurt her.) A sense of humor is important, she emphasizes, as well as some real sexual creativity -- as when she would put an arm of a client with cerebral palsy on her clit until she came, showing him that he could do something for her sexually, as well as her doing something for him.  Steinberg also wrote about an elderly gentleman at the workshop who suffered from chronic malabsorption syndrome. This gentleman spoke proudly about being a client of prostitutes since he was younger, and of the "genuine love relationships" he has had with many of the women he sees regularly.  

Some of the material for the proceeding section came from:  David Steinberg, "International Conference on Prostitution" COMES NATURALLY #57 Spectator Magazine - April 4, 1997

How to Use A Client’s Wheelchair in a Sexual Situation

 

How to Use a Wheelchair with Removable Armrests:

 

There are many options and positions that can be utilized with a client who is in a wheelchair with removable armrests. They include:

1.)    The provider can sit on a client’s lap, face to face, with their legs spread on both sides of him.  This position not only allows you to have full access to the top half of the client’s body, but also allows him the same privilege. In addition, you will be able to use the client for physical support.

2.)    If penetration is going to be involved, the provider can face away from the client, sit on their lap, and place their arms on his knees/legs for support.  Another position would be for the provider to wrap their legs around the client and sit facing towards him, although this isn’t as comfortable for long periods of time.

 

How to Use a Wheelchair Without Removable Armrests:

 

1.)    A wheelchair without removable armrests somewhat limits the positions that are comfortable for both parties.  Most likely, the provider facing away from the client on his lap will work best.  The armrests can be used for support.  But also be sure to ask him if he has any other suggestions for what may work.  Communication is the key!

It is important to note that sometimes clients can be removed from their wheelchair with or without your assistance.  Just because they are in a wheelchair when you arrive do not assume this is how they would like to remain for your time together.  A sexy way to find out how they would like to be and what positions work for them, would be to ask them how they “envision spending your time together.”  Remember, asking questions just because they are in a wheelchair is not rude.  Every client, regardless of their physical abilities, has their own preferences and limitations. 

 



Provider On Top:

1.)     Some suggestions for those with bad backs would be to put pillows under the knees (to keep them slightly bent), or put a rolled up towel under their lower back lower back. 

\

2.)    If the client has limited physical strength, the provider may want to have their partner lie on their back or side.  Encourage the client to tell you what he wants and when, so he is able to feel as if he is in control. 

Just because a client may have limited mobility below their waist, does not mean that they cannot be on top.  Do not assume!

 

Client On Top:    

1.)     The provider can lie on their back.  The client can be propped up with pillows.  Spread the client’s legs and knees, and use your strength to push against him.  In addition, the client can also use their upper body and press it against the bed or partner, to create movement. 

2.)    Another position that works is having the provider lie on their back, with their knees tucked into their chest or their legs in the air.  This way, if needed, the client can use the legs of the provider for support.  This position allows the client easy access for penetration.  While being penetrated, the provider can use their arms to thrust towards their client. 

 

Lying On Client’s Side:

1.       The provider can lay side-to-side next to a client who is wearing a catheter attached to a leg bag. This gives them both room to move around and touch each other.

2.      People with hip problems who want to be penetrated can lie on their side with a pillow between their knees. In this position, they are penetrated from behind.

3.      If the client has limited movement in their hips and legs, lying on their side with the provider’s legs perpendicular to them, with their knees bent around/over their waist is a very comfortable position. 

If both partners lie on their side and face each other, this position not only provides access to both of their bodies, but does not limit one person to be responsible for most of the movement. 

 

Using Furniture In Sexual Positioning:

Although a bed is probably the most often used piece of furniture in sexual positions, chairs, pillows, and wheelchairs are also other pieces of furniture that allows for creativity in sexual situations.  A chair can be used to support the client’s upper body and the provider can kneel behind them, which allows them access to the client’s entire body.  Another position is when the client remains sitting down or propped up against the chair or bed, and the provider can faces away from them.

 

Personal Care Attendants (PCA):

For clients who live in assisted care living or have a personal assistant, the notion of privacy is somewhat difficult.  The reality of privacy for someone living in assisted care is very different, when there are no locks on the door, there is always a personal care attendant living with them, or it is required that people have to sign in and out of a log book in order to gain entry into the client’s building. 

If the client requires the services of a personal care attendant at all times, when arranging the date, you may want to ask them how to act or how comfortable their personal assistant is with their sex life.  Although sex is a very important part of a disabled client’s life and the personal care assistant spends a lot of time with the client, this does not mean that they are comfortable with the idea of them using a sex worker to provide for their needs.  It is important to think about maintaining a conservative demeanor and appearance when visiting a client in assisted living , because their discretion is just as important as yours!

Here are some suggestions on how to remain discreet from people who live in assisted care living or use a personal care attendant:

 

1.)     If you have a personal care attendant and are going to have a sex worker over when they are there, make sure they are comfortable with this idea.  Even if you just need your PCA to open the door or negotiate the date for you, make sure they are okay doing this.  You do not want to coerce someone into a situation that would be uncomfortable for them, you, or the sex worker. 

2.)    When arranging the date, make sure to find out if the client lives in assisted living and what exactly this means. Do you need identification to get into the building?  Should you dress or act a certain way? Is someone other than the client going to greet you at the door?  A good resource for finding out privacy issues is Amanda Brooks’  The Internet Escort's Handbook Book 1: The Foundation (Perfect Paperback)

 

What is Safer Sex?

Safer Sex means taking precautions to prevent both any sexually transmitted infection (STI), and any sexually transmitted disease (STD) from being spread to another person. 

Most STIs (HIV, gonorrhoea, hepatitis) are spread by bodily fluids (semen, blood, vaginal secretions) entering the blood stream of another person. They can enter via open cuts and sores, or through the fragile membranes inside the vagina, urethra and anus. 

Other STIs are spread by actual physical contact of the infected area with the genitals or mouth. Syphilis, Crabs, and scabies can be transmitted from skin contact. 

Sex toys when being used by other people can also spread infections. They need to be cleaned with bleach before being passed along, or at least thoroughly cleaned.

Staying Safe

Use a condom for all oral, vaginal or anal sex. Cover any open cuts or wounds on the body if you are going to play and have contact with genitals, or rub, kiss or lick a partner. The penis exudes pre-cum before ejaculation, so you need a condom on all the time when penetration is taking place. 

You don’t need to have sexual intercourse in order to enjoy sex. There are many other exciting things to do. Some options are: Playing erotic games, mutual massage and masturbation, oral sex, and talking dirty, are all good fun. You will have a much more exciting time with a partner if you spend the time exploring some of these options and other foreplay methods, instead of diving into sex right away. 

If you have problems using a condom, the Femidom is a female condom which forms a barrier inside the vagina. However, the Femidom does not protect the woman’s urethra or anus, and you need to be careful that semen does not run into these openings. Femidoms can also be used for anal sex (place it over the penis before penetration).

If you have experienced unsafe sex with anyone, visit a Genito-urinary (GU) clinic for tests immediately. In fact, anyone who is sexually active should have regular check-ups because most sexually transmitted infections and diseases might have no obvious or visible symptoms. It is also a very safe practice to get tested every time you have a new sexual partner.

Each condom is to be used only once. If it falls off, use another. If the condom falls off or splits during intercourse, you need to consult your doctor, or ask your clinic for advice. A very easy way to deal with an emergency situation is the morning after pill. It is available at any pharmacy without a prescription and works up to three days after intercourse. 

What will happen if I catch an STI/STD?

As long as you are diagnosed quickly, some diseases can be cured. However, HIV is currently incurable and can lead to AIDS, which can make you very sick, and is sometimes fatal. People with Chlamydia often do not experience symptoms so it does not get treated, but it is curable and without treatment in a worst case scenario can make a women infertile. Herpes is incurable and you will be infectious every time you have an outbreak. Many STIs are passed on to offspring, so think about safe sex not just for you.  It is important to enjoy sex without having to worry about getting any STI/STD’s.

ATTEMPTED INTERVIEWS WITH DISABLED PEOPLE

 REGARDING ESCORTS AND DANCERS.

I attempted to interview disabled people regarding their experiences with escorts and dancers. Posting a well defined question on Strippersweb.com got lots of useful replies. I tried the same idea on 5 disability message boards including Gimp Power. My replies reveal a wide range of attitudes. In hide-site, I should have used the term escort rather than Sexworkers/Call Girls in my question, but people seemed to be reacting to the concept of “paying for sex”.  See below.

Myspace >http://forum.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=groups.categories&Mytoken=11588C89-9F15-4367-B6CCE9737DC6AE1245379331  GROUPS » GIMP POWER » This group is for gimps (disabled people) & anyone else that may be interested in it. It's a place to meet, learn about, hang out, chat & interact with others. It's for gimps, friends of gimps, families of gimps, & gimp attendant's who wish to communicate their thoughts & express their feelings amongst friends. Whether you have or are just involved with someone who has an injury, spina bifida, muscular dystrophy, cerebral palsy, an amputation, ms, blindness, deafness, ADHD, or any other physical or mental impairment, then you are welcome here. This group is an open forum for all things, whether gimp related or not. Whatever may come up is okay here. There are frank & serious topics & there are silly & insignificant topics & everything else in between as well. Be it serious or silly, be it positive or negative, be it important or not, just post whatever you want & don't be shy. Talk about gimp things like daily living, transportation, accessibility, community barriers, caregivers, family, doctors & social interaction & talk about non gimp things too like sports, trivia, politics & entertainment. Let's just be a loving community where we can share our stories, our triumphs, our downfalls, our funny moments, our sad times & our embarrassments. We can all learn from each other & support one another & hopefully change some perceptions. So c'mon in everyone & let's post!!!

 

MY ORIGINAL POST:

Topics » “Could people help me by sharing a few experiences?

Hi, I'm putting together a presentation for adult industry professionals and Sexworkers-Call Girls on how to interact with disabled customers. I hope to include a few short paragraphs with suggestions for how to lap dance for blind and wheelchair bound customers. Could people help me by sharing a few experiences you've
had?
Some of my work is shown below:
SUGGESTIONS FOR MAKING INITIAL CONTACT WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A SPEECH
OR HEARING PROBLEM.
One of the interesting dilemmas that happens for sex workers and potential clients who have a speech or hearing problem is how does the client contact the sex worker? Normally, clients would contact………I put in the full paragraph of what I wrote in my posting.

SEXUAL ETIQUETTE
Please remember that the disabled like anyone, enjoy and need sex. Sexuality may make some people uncomfortable, but it is an important subject that needs to be discussed. Many disabled males love…… I put in the full paragraph of what I wrote in my posting.

REPLY 1: how do you figure I missed the point? Takahasi ask for our sex experiences with "sex workers" so he could put on a so-called presentation for these professional "sex workers", or was it for the "horny gimps" that ain't gettin' none unless they pay for it? Get real dude, read between the lines man. Hookers ain't gonna take time to attend no "How to screw a Gimp workshop" and the "horny gimps" already know how to take money out of their wallets and hand it to the Hookers! .  Again I believe this guy is just trying to "get off" by hearing other peoples sex experiences.  READ BETWEEN THE LINES MAN

REPLY 2: I was just re-reading the posters procedures of etiquette for sex with a "sex worker" and a disabled person, and dude you disgust me. All the sex I get comes free. To even think of paying for it makes me sick. Just because a person is disabled, doesn't mean we have to pay to have sex. There's enough things in society that try to bring us down, without someone even thinking that we can only have relationships if we pay for them. Like Bamb said "DUDE, GET REAL"

REPLY 3: He never said any of our constituency HAD to go to a sex worker. Some gimps actually do use their services. So do TABs. Not by force, but by choice. And making it illegal doesn't mean it's sick. In fact, legalizing prostitution might be better for public health, because then it can be regulated and monitored by state and local health departments.

REPLY 4: Wow... kinda scary to see how judgmental people can get when they don't approve of a topic.) The topic clearly WAS NOT about anybody "getting their jollies" by hearing about anyone else's sexual experiences; if that's what you thought it was about, then you completely missed the point.

This is the saddest one of all.  The writer made up the quote below, put my name on it, and then made fun of the disabled.  He also inserted my art from my MySpace page.

REPLY 5: [QUOTE]William Takahashi wrote:                                                                                        Can you guys who frequent prostitutes and strip clubs, and gals who employ gigalos and attend bachelorette parties, please give me some suggestions for how to lap dance for blind and wheelchair bound customers. Could people help me by sharing a few experiences you've had?[/QUOTE] Well, we've never had experiences with prostitutes or gigalos, but may have a few suggestions on how some sex worker might perform a lap dance for a blind person. Maybe the sex-worker can put some of those jingly balls on their hips and chest. Or try this, Braille Dancing. It probably wouldn't work in our state though, because of the 5 foot rule. As far as giving a lap dance to someone in a wheelchair, why don't you instruct your sex-worker audience to treat them just like anybody else, and give them a pat on the head.

 

Man, you have a great pad there in the John Hancock Building, Kinky Krystal, wine and presents under the Christmas tree. But you don't have any furniture. Are you going to get freaky and do it in your chairs, on the floor or in cyber space? Watch out for rug burns and viruses, man.[/QUOTE]

 

MY REPLY:  I never wrote your quote! Sad, now you’re making fun of the blind and making things up.

WHAT IS INDEPENDENT LIVING?

Independent living is a way of life that includes values, attitudes and behaviors.  It embraces a philosophy that the person, regardless of their disability, has the potential to exercise individual self-determination. Living on your own is having the right and the opportunity to pursue a course of action. It is having the freedom to fail and to learn from one's failures, just as non-disabled people do.

Independent living means that we (the disabled) demand the same choices and control in our everyday lives that non-disabled brothers, sisters, neighbors, and friends take for granted. We want to grow up with our families, attend neighborhood schools, use the same public transportation as our peers, and work jobs that are in line with our education and abilities, and also start families of our own.  Just as everybody else, we strive to be in charge of our lives, and be able to think and speak for ourselves.

BIRTH OF THE INDEPENDENT LIVING MOVEMENT

Independent living is the philosophy of self-empowerment for people with disabilities.   Independence does not necessarily mean doing everything for oneself and living by oneself. The concept of Independent living was born in the early 1970's in Berkeley, California. A handful of students with disabilities on the campus of Cal-Berkeley saw the inaccessibility of the campus and decided to turn a wrong into a right(s), as in disability rights. The first Independent Living Center was established in Berkeley, and the Independent Living Movement has been growing ever since. There are 22 Centers for Independent Living in Illinois. There are hundreds across the United States.

One of the by-products of the Independent living philosophy is consumer control; this means consumers have direct control over the services they select. For example, a consumer who employs a Personal Assistant is the boss in the employer-employee relationship. As in any work environment, it is the employer's responsibility to direct his/her employee.

 

 

Myths and Attitudes

Disabled people should stay and live with their own kind. Forced segregation creates an artificial barrier which makes disabled people uncomfortable and hesitant to interact with the able-bodied world.   It creates an environment of “learned helplessness" in which the disabled start to believe that they are not capable of managing their own lives. Some parents encourage this learned helplessness by doing everything for their adult child. The adult child's world is rosy until the parents pass away. Then the disabled adult children are left alone, not knowing how to take care of themselves.  The best way to combat this problem is for you to learn how to manage your own life and involve yourself in activities with non-disabled people.

GUIDE/SERVICE DOGS

Many people with visual or mobility impairments use guide dogs to help them compensate for their disabilities.  These dogs are workers, not pets, and they have jobs to do.  Always ask permission before you interact with someone's dog.   Do not pet the dog or divert its attention from its work.  Please speak first to the person.  It is correct human and canine manners! 

Do not touch either the service animal/service dog or its person without first asking permission.  Touching the service animal/service dog might distract it from its work.  Touching the person might be interpreted as assault.  Resist the temptation to offer treats to the service animal/service dog.  Barking, meowing, whistling, and making other rude noises at the service animal/service dog.  Conversing with the person about the service animal/service dog, disabilities, and other animals you have known is appropriate.

Questions of a personal nature should be avoided.   If the person volunteers information, you may decide if you wish to continue the conversation. Do not feel offended if the person declines to talk about himself/herself or the service animal/service dog - not everyone wants to be a walking "show and tell" exhibit.     

WHAT IF YOU ARE AFRAID/DO NOT LIKE DOGS?

Place yourself away from the service animal/service dog.  If you are a business person, discreetly arrange for someone else to wait on the person.  You may ask the person to have the service animal/service dog lie down if it does not interfere with its work. 

WHAT IF THE SERVICE ANIMALS ACTS OUT OF MANNER?

Find out what happened before taking action.  Was the service animal/service dog stepped on, poked, asleep and dreaming, performing its job (some alert their owners to oncoming seizures by barking once or twice)?  If the animal's/dog's behavior is disruptive or destructive, you may ask the person to remove it from the premises.    

WHAT IF OTHERS COMPLAIN ABOUT THE SERVICE ANIMAL?

Explain that the service animal/service dog is medically necessary and that federal law protects the right of the person to be accompanied by the service animal/service dog in public places.  

AMERICANS WITH DISABILITIES ACT

The Americans with Disabilities Act was signed into law on July 26, 1990.  The purpose of the Act is to: 

• Provide clear and comprehensive national mandate to end discrimination against individuals with disabilities.  

• Provide enforceable standards addressing discrimination against individuals with disabilities.  

• Ensure that the federal government plays a central role in enforcing these standards on behalf of individuals with disabilities.  

The term disability is defined as a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more of a person's major life activities, a record of such impairment, or being regarded as having such an impairment.   This is the same definition used in Sections 503 and 504 of the Rehabilitation Act and the Fair Housing Amendments Act.  

The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) gives people with disabilities civil rights protection that is like that provided to individuals on the basis of race, sex, national origin and religion. It guarantees equal opportunity for individuals with disabilities in: 

•Employment

•Public Accommodations

•Transportation

•State and Local Government Services

•Telecommunications

CONCLUSION

In conclusion, this paper is meant to be a guide for Adult Industry Professionals to better interact with disabled clients.  It outlines how to interact with clients who have a variety of disabilities.  Hopefully, it will serve as a useful resource and tool for the Adult Industry , and people with disabilities alike. 

 Copyright 2007 by William Takahashi, including all Text, Clipart and layouts unless otherwise noted.           Our Website: http://www.adult-performer-resources.com 

Additional Reading

Source of the material reprinted below: http://www.tlc-trust.org.uk/index.php

Copyright held by:

TLC Trust
BCM Box Lovely
London
WC1N 3XX

A MEMBER OF: The UK Network of Sex Work Projects 

Sex Workers Seeing Disabled Clients

Like all other clients, people with disabilities use professional sex workers for a wide variety of reasons, so it's important to check out what these are in advance and not make assumptions. Generally, what they need most from you, as well as warmth, pleasure and sexual gratification, is reassurance of their sexual worth, and help in finding ways so that, in the future, they will be able to have sex with partners in non-commercial relationships.

 

Ways to meet the needs of disabled people:

  1. Lovemaking, if only so they can say to themselves they aren't virgins any more, and feel they have done "it" at least once in their lives, so they don't die a virgin. Confirmation of their masculinity or femininity, making them feel like a real man or real woman, can bring the confidence to start a relationship.
  2. Confidence - building and gaining sexual experience. Most disabled people lack adolescent experimentation, so they never get the chance to learn what they like, learn how to seduce, learn how to take rejection and acceptance, so that they can start dating. They need extra confidence because they are more likely to face rejection, and they need to be cool about asking favours and discussing ways of finding comfortable positions and perhaps getting off. This may require more than one session and you may worry about them becoming dependent, so make a deal. Say I'll teach you once a week for ten weeks and then you're on your own. You have to be dead honest with each other writing things down helps) and cope with 'falling in love' situations, which might happen, and are OK, because you have a contract in which the time limit means that it's just a temporary learning situation.
  3. Helping them deal with problems as they arise in their lives and become self-sufficient – for example, equipping them with the language and contacts to try new gadgets that might make masturbation possible, helping them master the art of explaining how they have sex with a catheter inside them, overcoming fears and worries.
  4. Confidentiality. This can be enormously important and may involve all kinds of sneaking and posing. One resident of a home broke up with his fiancee when a member of staff took it upon to tell her that years back he had visited a prostitute!

One danger is that some disabled people have commercial sex and never progress to having relationships because they can't face rejections and the hassles of relationships. Once they get used to having commercial sex it can lessen the capacity to share feelings or aim at mutual pleasure. You may need to help them to avoid becoming dependent.

Professional sex with a disabled man or woman may be quite different to that with other clients. You may very well relate to each other closely. After all, you are both discriminated against by society, which can bring you into feelings of friendship. However, although this can feel good at the time, it makes it even more imperative to clarify where the actual boundaries lie.

A few disabled people, assuming they have made a friend, are tempted to pester the sex worker afterwards and make attempts to get romantically involved. As a result, the worker then refuses to see him again. Remind disabled clients that they are paying for your time. This is not to say that it would be impossible for a love affair to develop - just very unlikely, because you are working.

Remember that your client is also paying for confidentiality. There may be clients who have to sneak away to visit you, or sneak you into their rooms, because paying for sex would be frowned on or forbidden by their parents or care staff. Kindly go along with their wishes. Discuss your appearance – they may be relieved to learn that you don't have to turn up looking like a hooker, but you could easily look like an insurance sales lady, a nurse or even an aunty! The discreet hospital visit can be successfully enjoyed by the nursing staff and other patients thinking you are a lover come to visit and you need your privacy.

Although it can feel a bit unnerving to encounter a disabled person for the first time, you soon get used to them, when you realise that they are just like anybody else, although, having a low self-image, they may appear more humble. Most are refreshingly realistic and down to earth, often better at specifying their needs than other people, and they usually have a wicked sense of humour (they need one to survive).

Obviously, just because someone is disabled, this doesn't mean they want straight sex. They may be gay or into BDSM. Being in hospital a lot when young can bring out a taste for enemas and fetish for rubber nurses!

Here are some specific things you might need to be aware of: First, many blind and visually impaired people have never seen or felt anyone else's body and need to be encouraged to explore yours to know what a woman or man's body is like. As well as exploring your body, they may need to be told about themselves: how to look sexy, smile flirtatiously, the art of wearing seductive clothes, and chatting with the person they fancy in a way which will make them feel at ease. They may need a good deal of education because some have led very sheltered lives. Taped books and radio programmes for blind people usually exclude the erotic side of life. The RNIB website does not include whoring under its 'daily living' section. Many blind people are unaware of things like massage parlours, dom parlours, etc.

Second, Deaf-blind people are even more cut off and protected. Their carers and relatives may well hope that they will be sexless as well as blind and deaf! These clients will be delighted if you convince them they are sexy. and you will enter a private world of fantasies that has had a very different influence from outside (with neither speech, sound or visual imagery!).

Deaf people may be rather paranoid, having become afraid that people talk about them when they can't hear. Some have the habit of averting their eyes when you say things they don't want to lip read or sign-read. Some who are delightfully voyeuristic and gregarious, and enjoy their own secret naughty language with other deaf people. Communicating with your mutual sign language in sex can be fun.

People with learning disabilities may be highly sexed, those with Downs Syndrome especially so, being very affectionate. They may have picked up misinformation in the playground which they still cling to, as their sex education is very poor on non-existent. They might also need help with handling money. They may need special clarification on the sex worker / client dynamics. They may also need much more help understanding how to give and receive pleasure, how to avoid offence, and how to feel good about themselves. Many have never had sex with an able bodied person, and may hold ABs in high esteem, feel nervous and intimidate by you. Please reach our Protection of Vulnerable Adults Policy.. Some staff and health professional spend endless time listening to parents and to clients and never reach a solution as to whether sex workers should or should not be hired. Others just make, or allow arrangements secretly without telling the authorities.

People with brain injury may be sexually dis-inhibited (wanting sex all the time and not being very good at controlling their urges, others may feel sexually numb. Brain injured people are being empowered to ask for what they want out of life and many are expressing the desire to see sex workers. They have all kinds of impairments and each is different.

People with mental health problems may want to see sex workers to gain some mental comfort and pleasure in their otherwise dreary or restricted lives.

People with Aspergers Syndrome and other forms of neuro diversity will welcome the chance to have sex with someone without have to worry about all the social hoops they have to go through, but can seldom manage, in order to have sex with non-workers.

People who have problems with their bladders and bowels can feel relaxed that sex workers are accepting and do not need to be impressed and they can enjoy embarrassment-free frollics and fun.

People with ME and chronic fatigue can enjoy being pampered and have everything done for them without having to lift a finger.

People who cannot speak and use augmentative or alternative ways to communicate (ACC) like alphabet boards and speaking devices will find it a wonderful release to be able to communicate sexually in bed without having to worry about words. However, before this can happen you need to know what their sexual needs are, and hopefully they will provide you with clear instructions on how to communicate. Their machines may not have the necessary words to ask for what they want but there is one initiative called Speak Up has an excellent series of communication displays related to sexual health and pleasure, which you can recommend.

Some people with cerebral palsy and other disabilities experience tremor and spasms, which can be reduced by orgasm, when they can speak more easily and can use their muscles better, so it may be better to give an orgasm quickly and then get down to business. Alternatively, they can take a muscle relaxant beforehand. Watch out when they come, because the involuntary movements can become quite dramatic: you might get poked in the eye, or worse!

Men with polio sometimes find it difficult to ejaculate, which can feel very frustrating for them. Teaching variations in technique can be useful, and using a strong vibrator on the penis can help.

Some people with MS find it difficult to reach orgasm in the conventional way but you can help them experience orgasms from various erogenous zones and techniques, such as prostate massage and nipple play.

People with spinal injury vary enormously in what they can feel and do. Experimentation leads to all kinds of pleasant discoveries. Often, lovely orgasmic sensations can be experienced by rubbing and caressing the area just above the level of paralysis. For example, if they are paralysed from the chest down, they may orgasm when you stroke their shoulders. This is called sensory amplification and may take time to achieve.

Attractiveness   

If you find the client is not making themselves as attractive as they might, deal with it. Discuss how they could improve their appearance. Involuntary drooling causes bad breath which is rarely discussed by carers because they think "that's the least of their worries" but it may be their main worry - the one thing that's putting potential partners off. Teaching them how to wash and groom themselves before the session can also add valuable experience to increase their chances in the love stakes.

Never assume that it's bad to 'let them feel too much pleasure because then they will be disappointed if they can't have it again tomorrow'. Treat disabled clients as you would any other adult.

Money

Now, the sticky subject of money. Most disabled people don't have much, but they usually have allowances, for travel etc., which some hardly use, so they have enough stashed away. Others can save up. They can always ask for money for Christmas from their parents. Don't charge them extra because you think it's extra work. Work out a fair price.

It becomes more expensive if your normal place of work isn't accessible to the disabled person and you have to visit them. Most brothels, working flats and bedrooms are upstairs which makes them impossible for people in electric wheelchairs, and difficult for others with mobility problems, unless they are lifted. If it's impossible for the client to get into your working area, it's fair to reduce the price of a home visit.

If the disabled person can't afford you, why not suggest they invite some friends round to share you, and share the cost of your trip? Some might not like this idea, wanting it all to be private, others may leap at the idea.

There are many disabled people who live at home with their parents or live in institutions and homes for disabled people, so they wouldn't even be able to have a home visit. Let them know that you can visit discretely, looking like a professional woman. There are wheelchair accessible hotels, some of which have hoists in a couple of rooms for helping people onto the bed. If you cannot manage to cope with this on your own, most disabled people have friends or care assistants who would gladly come and help out, getting them undressed and ready for you. This need not be embarrassing: it can be fun.

Do not insult your disabled client by refusing to take money. It's a deal like any other. If you give sex freely, it will upset the balance and make it seem like charity – something that disabled people are trying to get away from.

There is one exception - relief for the person who cannot do it themselves. Everyone has the right to self gratification and if someone can't touch themselves or reach orgasm, then it's only fair that another lends them a hand. This person need not be you, but perhaps you could talk to people who live near the client, who could do it on a regular basis. One of your skills as a professional is that you are uninhibited. Your easy-going language and practice at sex talk can ease the way for others to use their humanity in sexual directions.

Hopefully, some of your colleagues will have the same idea. An ideal is that a group of sex workers join together to form a 'cooperative' so that the disabled clients have a choice of partner, and you can all meet up on a regular basis, to offer each other support and learn from each others' experiences. You could even produce a leaflet outlining your collected services

Remember - disabled people can (and do) make amusing, appreciative, worthwhile clients, and can learn to become skillful, loving partners.   You are welcome to use any of this article in its wording.

Source List.

Disability Etiquette Handbook, San Antonio, Texas. http://www.sanantonio.gov/planning/disability_handbook/disability_handbook.asp?res=1152&ver=true

EASI, c/o American Association for Higher Education One DuPont Circle, Suite 360 Washington, D.C.   20036-1110 Phone: (310) 640-3193 (Pacific Time) E-Mail: EASI@EDUCOM.BITNET or internet: EASI@EDUCOM.EDU 

Stripper Web Exotic Dancer Community http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108159

David Steinberg, "International Conference on Prostitution" COMES NATURALLY #57 Spectator Magazine - April 4, 1997

TLC Trust http://www.tlc-trust.org.uk/index.php

BCM Box Lovely. London. WC1N 3XX  A MEMBER OF: The UK Network of Sex Work Projects 

Books on Sex and the Disabled.

An Easy Guide To Loving Carefully For Men and Women, Third Edition

Lyn McKee, Winifred Kempton, and Lynne Stiggall-Muccigrosso

Illustrations by Vivien Cohen

This book for men and women presents information about sexuality in simple language. It addresses anatomy, abstinence, intercourse, contraception, pregnancy, STDs, sexual health problems, visiting the doctor for a sexual health exam, and sexual orientation. A glossary is included.

1997; $18.50; ISBN 0941816400; Winifred Kempton Associates.

 

The Illustrated Guide to Better Sex for People with Chronic Pain** Second Edition

Robert W. Rothrock, PA-C and Gabriella D'Amore, PA-C

Illustrated by Jonathan Belt

This self-help booklet provides information about frequent problems that interfere with sexual enjoyment for individuals who suffer from chronic pain and suggests simple, basic solutions. It includes six illustrations showing comfortable sexual positions for persons with various pain disorders, and stresses the importance of communication between partners.

1992; $13.95; ISBN 0963260219; R. Rothrock & G. D'Amore.

 

The Sensuous Heart: Guidelines for Sex After a Heart Attack or Heart Surgery*

Susanne Cambre, R.N., B.S.H.A.

This cartoon-style booklet discusses the emotional and physical needs of people who have had a heart attack or heart surgery. It answers questions about sexual intercourse and discusses the effects of alcohol, prescribed drugs, stimulants, and illegal drugs.

1990; $5.75; ISBN 0939838281; Pritchett & Hull Associates, Inc.

 

 

Sexuality After Spinal Cord Injury: Answers to Your Questions

Stanley H. Ducharme and Kathleen M. Gill

This book provides practical, straightforward information and answers to questions about spinal cord injury. Topics include emotions, sexual behavior, sexual health, and parenting.

1997; $24.95; ISBN 1557662657; Brookes Publishing. http://www.brookespublishing.com

 

MS and Intimacy: Managing Specific Issues

Tanya Radford

This booklet is for people with MS and their partners. It addresses the importance of communication between partners. It also discusses sexual problems associated with MS for both men and women. A list of resources is provided.

2000; Free to clients; National Multiple Sclerosis Society.